I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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