Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
