I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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