I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
