I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
