it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
