dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
