I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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