the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
