Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Panties = found
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