You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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