you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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