My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
