Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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