hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
