goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
