dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Vodka?
Forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
whose parrot is this?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
