Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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