Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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