i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
