It's like God shit irony all over that family
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
