I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
