never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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