its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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