doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
