No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
