also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
