last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
