why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's blow job season.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
