Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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