I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
