Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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