I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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