I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I will be naked everywhere
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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