tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
