Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
