fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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