We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
