After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
