mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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