If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
