office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
