She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
