He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
