I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
