i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
