bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
