I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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