i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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