im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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