After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
