can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
