So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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