The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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