I wish my penis had an off switch
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
