She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
