What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
