I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
