They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
