I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
