this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
