when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
