I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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