Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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