I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you win again, gameday.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
