I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
